


Freeform Hearts (quasi una fantasia)

by ourwinko



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Classical Music References, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Late-Night Thoughts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:41:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28002558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourwinko/pseuds/ourwinko
Summary: “Why? Why do you put up with me every night? What’s so special about me?”Jaehyun looks into Taeyong’s eyes, then down to his lips, then up to the stars.“Words wouldn’t do you justice.”“Then show me.”
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	Freeform Hearts (quasi una fantasia)

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is purely self indulgence. definitely a no-plot-just-vibes kinda thing. hope you appreciate the classical music references. i am so dearly in love with moonlight sonata <3 please leave a comment if you love it!

It all began one summer night, in a little town so irrelevant that Taeyong could not be bothered to remember its name. He sat on a bench under the glow of a dying streetlamp, eyes searching the night sky for god knows what. 

“That piece, what is it called?”

Taeyong startles. The sound of another voice, no matter how hushed, was a stark sound at this time of night. It was quiet. Or, it would be, had Taeyong not pulled his phone out and put his night-wandering playlist on shuffle. 

_“Moonlight Sonata,”_ he answers. Then, with narrowed eyes that are far too tired from chasing sleep, he adds, “It’s Beethoven. How could you not know _Moonlight Sonata_ by Beethoven?”

The boy stands there for a moment. “May I join you?”

“It’s nighttime. You don’t need permission for anything at nighttime. There are no restrictions. No one could possibly stop you. See, up above, the stars are so free that they scatter in every direction.” Taeyong’s words are met with silence. He looks back at the other boy with a sigh. “Yes, you may join me.”

Taeyong closes in on himself as his personal space becomes the opposite. He stuffs his hands in his pockets. The first movement of the piece ends, and it launches gently into the next. It evolves slowly, almost unnoticeably. The music becomes just a little more livelier. Just that more vibrant.

“The _Moonlight Sonata_ wasn’t always the _Moonlight Sonata_ ,” The boy says, looking at Taeyong with eyes that captured the light of a lonely moon. Taeyong stares back with starry eyes. “Did you know that?”

Taeyong shakes his head. “I’m afraid not.”

“It was called, at first, _Sonata quasi una fantasia._ A sonata in the manner of a fantasia. A fantasia was some sort of freeform composition, sort of like drawing without a ruler or something like that. Anyway, it deviated from the norm and set a standard. That’s why I like it.” 

“And _Moonlight Sonata?_ Where’d that name come from?”

“Does it matter?”

“I suppose it doesn’t.” Just then, the third movement begins, and Taeyong rushes to skip over to the next song. 

“You don’t like the last part? It’s my favorite.”

“I save it for more tempestuous nights. Lucky for me, this night is more pleasant than tempestuous.” 

“I see.”

The soft notes of Chopin’s most famous _Nocturne_ fill the air.

Taeyong looks at the boy. “Aren’t you going to tell me your name?”

“Are you sure you want it?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course I want it.” Taeyong’s brows furrow. “God, you’re weird.”

“If I give you my name, it’s a commitment. That you want to know me better, and that you’d let me accompany you in this terra nullius, on the nights you’d like.”

“Terra nullius?”

“It means nobody’s land. You said the night had no restrictions. That even the stars enjoyed the freedom it bestows upon us. A place like that, without rules or boundaries or limitations—that’s nobody’s land.”

“You do a lot of thinking, don’t you?” 

“I have a lot of time to think, yes.”

Taeyong releases a breath. It’s inconsequential, he thinks. What would it matter if he made friends with a fellow night owl, right? His mother always did say to make more friends. Well, this is his chance. 

He surveys the other boy, sizing him up. He’s smart, clearly. He has lonely eyes, though. Perhaps Taeyong can change that. Lonely eyes or not, Taeyong decides that he’s worthy to befriend. And so,

“Taeyong,” he says, trying not to sound too reluctant. “My name is Taeyong.”

The other boy smiles, and it’s captivating. Under the lamplight, he’s positively ethereal. He opens his mouth, and out comes one beautiful word, “Jaehyun.”

Chopin’s _Nocturne Op. 9_ slowly fades into ending, and yet the night doesn’t end with it. In fact, on this night begins something just as enchanting as the moon and stars themselves. Something as rare as the blooming of a moonflower on a desolate wasteland. 

-

Jaehyun shows up every night after that. Taeyong is always settled down on the bench, already stargazing, when Jaehyun would just slink into the space beside him like some noiseless cat, or something. 

It’s three weeks later when Taeyong accepts that this will become routine, and that he’s getting used to it already. 

Some mellow Brahms song plays from Taeyong’s phone.

Jaehyun breaks the silence a while later. “Is classical the only music you listen to?”

“No,” Taeyong says. “I listen to just about everything. Mostly rock, if I’m being honest. I only play classical for the night. Nothing else could possibly fit.”

“Yes, I suppose Welcome to the Black Parade isn’t very night-friendly, is it?”

“Ooh, that’s a good song. It would wake up the entire block though. I guess that’s why I choose classical often. At a time like this, you want quiet. Peace. No disturbance. Have you heard of Nightwish?”

“You are such a paradox.”

“Pardon?” Taeyong tears his gaze away from the moon to look at Jaehyun.

“I don’t know,” Jaehyun shrugs. “You just seem to be an odd combobulation of dualities. You know all the classics then ask me about a metal band, which, _yes_ I do think I’ve heard of Nightwish. You come here every night, with no semblance of sleep and no intention of getting any, yet you look perfectly fine. Some nights I don’t even think you’re real.”

Taeyong snorts and slaps Jaehyun’s shoulder. 

“Is that real enough for you?” 

“It’ll do.”

“You know what this piece is called?” Taeyong asks, closing his eyes. “It’s called _Fantasien,_ or something. It means fantasies in German.”

“Is that what you do here every night? Indulge in fantasies?”

“Yeah,” comes the quiet answer. Taeyong is already getting lost in the map of his mind. “The night equivalent of daydreaming, if that makes sense. It’s so easy to let your mind wander. It’s so easy to explore the possibilities… _and_ the impossibilities. The what-ifs of your life. The questions. The things you want. The mind is a terra nullius.”

“Nice,” Jaehyun says, smiling at the mention of the term he’d introduced so many nights ago. “Does it make you sad? The things you nightdream about?”

“Sad enough. That’s the point.”

“You make yourself sad?”

“Kind of? I don’t really know how to explain it. Is it weird?”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “Not at all.”

-

Several moons pass.

“God, I wish. I _wish_ I could just take off into space and- and escape from this godforsaken place.”

Moonlight Sonata’s third movement thunders on, filling the already charged air with more tension. 

Jaehyun sits there quietly, ready to listen to Taeyong like he always is. 

“What happened?” 

“My parents happened. My father wants to throw me out of the house because, uh, I came out to him on impulse.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Taeyong is curled into himself on the bench, face buried in his arms. He sniffles. “It fucking sucks. I knew he wasn’t ready to know, and yet I still-”

“It’s not your fault.”

“But-”

“Parents are stupid for having children if they’re not ready to accept them for who they are. Your father is just an ignorant, close-minded asshole. And you deserve better.”

“I want to leave this place.”

“Let’s?”

Taeyong chuckles, and it’s choked with a sob. “If only.”

“You can add that to your list of nightdreaming scenarios. Running away with me.”

When Taeyong’s distraughtness dies down to a pulsing, dismissible coldness in his chest, he looks at Jaehyun with tired, red eyes. 

“I want a hug.”

“Alright.”

Taeyong doesn’t waste a moment in closing the distance between them. The position they end up in is a peculiar one. Taeyong’s head rests on Jaehyun’s shoulder, while both of Jaehyun’s arms are wrapped around him. 

“You want to run away with me?” Taeyong asks later.

“I want to run away in general.”

“Why?”

Taeyong’s head jerks as Jaehyun shrugs. 

“Reasons.” 

“Whatever. Let’s make a promise.”

“What?”

“That in time, and when we can, and if we still hang out together at some ungodly hour—let’s leave. I’ll leave my parents. You’ll leave… whatever emotional baggage you have. And we’ll leave this place. Forever.”

Jaehyun smiles, his eyes turning into crescents. “I promise.”

Taeyong sits up abruptly, and Jaehyun mourns the loss of touch. Taeyong narrows his eyes.

“You didn’t even think about that! You just agreed.”

“The terms seemed reasonable enough.”

“But-”

“It’s what we both want, isn’t it? Freedom.”

Taeyong nods.

“Then,” Jaehyun decides, “There’s nothing wrong with promising to chase it.”

“I guess.” Then, Taeyong adds, “We know each other well enough anyway.”

It’s true. They’ve gotten used to having each other every night, and they’ve gotten to know each other the way friends of years would. The night, it seems, puts up no walls to barricade the growth of whatever this relationship is. Whatever it may be, it’s growing lush and wild, and the blooming hasn’t even begun.

-

“Why? Why do you put up with me every night? What’s so special about me?”

Jaehyun looks into Taeyong’s eyes, then down to his lips, then up to the stars.

“Words wouldn’t do you justice.” 

“Then show me.” 

Taeyong waits, and he’s scared almost. But tentative fingers brush against his own, and the warmth is but a spark, yet it soothes the thundering of his heart. A hand rests on his jaw, and the last thing he sees is the bright yellow crescent of the moon before warm lips meet his, and it’s over too soon.

Jaehyun pulls away with a coy smile and gleaming eyes. 

“Was that enough?”

“More.”

And again they went. Again and again, they kissed under the dull glow of the old lamps that lined the quiet streets they so often walked.

If anyone had anything to say about it, they wouldn’t have a chance to. It’s only Taeyong entangled with Jaehyun, and the stars and the moon.

Stars and moons did not so often speak. They only accompanied tender hearts in the middle of the night. But these two hearts, no matter how tender, don’t need the company of stars, nor the moon. Not anymore. Not when they have each other. 

Nobody owns the night. It’s not some sacrosanct private property that can’t be trespassed into. The night is terra nullius. Nobody’s land. And in nobody’s land, there is no limit to how many times one can be kissed under shoddy lamplight, to the tune of one _Quasi una fantasia_. 

**Author's Note:**

> _The west is empty. All else is empty. No moon-talk at all now._ _Only dark listening to dark._
> 
> _— Excerpt from Moonset, Carl Sandburg_


End file.
